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Career Coaching for High Performers

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Toxic People Suck – Get Them Out of Your Life

by | Aug 7, 2016 | Self Care | 0 comments

People who do not serve your highest good.

Toxic people: People who do not serve your highest good.

There are some people in the world who you do not need to exert any energy on. These are toxic people. Toxic people rob your positive mindset, replace good energy with bad, and can change your enlightening experiences into frightening ones.

Toxic people make you feel icky when they are around. These are people you inherently do not like. Sometimes, they never did anything wrong or never spited you, but your intuition and your body know better than to enjoy their company.

Trust your body and your intuition.

If someone gives you the heebie-jeebies for a logically inexplicable reason, trust that sensation.

Before I rattle of the list of toxic traits, let’s discuss the difference between toxic people versus incompetent people. Incompetence can befall even the nicest and most generous people in the world, this is very different than being toxic. Incompetent people may be inefficient at their job or at doing an activity, but that does not qualify them for being toxic to your life.

  • Arrogance, people with a huge and insufferable ego.
  • Always right, fiercely competitive, judgmental
  • Perpetual liars.
  • Manipulative people, it is always about them and they make you the bad guy. They take and don’t give.
  • Greedy, those who aren’t there for you when you need them. Cancel on your plans . I always used to have the same complaint about my friends, ‘I always have to do everything, I have to reach out to them, I have to make things happen, I have to host get-togethers, if I don’t make the effort I never see them.’ Those friends were greedy.
  • Gossip.
  • Jealous, you feel guilty for sharing good news with them
  • Sore losers.
  • Passive aggressive, ‘fine, whatever, I’m not mad’
  • Victims, project blame, it is never their fault.
  • Negative people, crappy attitude, judgmental, complainers, ‘this soup is 2 degrees too hot and it burned my tongue’
  • Drama queens, leave them in middle school where they belong.
  • Those who criticize you far too often. Don’t let their behavior destroy yours– These people are often deeply insecure and have a lack of self-confidence. They put others down to lift themselves up and feel better. I dated a man like this, my mother was mortified at how he would talk to me and criticize me right in front of her.
  • Attention getting people, center conversations around themselves, ‘one uppers,’ negate themselves to fish for compliments, they syphon your self-assurance.. (I don’t think this dress looks good on me, do you think it goes okay with these shoes?)
  • Combinations of these things

Too much of a good thing.

There is a healthy amount of all these traits. There are healthy amounts of judgement and competitiveness; sometimes it’s impossible to stay positive. We all have a certain threshold of tolerance for dealing with these traits in others, the most important things is to learn your own threshold and find a way to cope with toxic people in small doses.

There are unavoidable situations in which you cannot escape the influence of toxic people, for instance a family member, longtime friend or colleague. Realize that you cannot change the toxic person, you can only change how you allow them to impact you. They will offload their negativity onto you, resulting in them feeling better and you feeling worse, but you can consciously choose not to absorb the negativity.

Break it to me gently.

If this is somebody that you trust and truly care about, let them know gently that their behavior is impacting you negatively. Avoidance will surely not fix the problem, a loving intervention is perhaps the only chance of a person seeing the wreckage they cause others. Keep in mind that some people cannot and will not accept criticism, and your loving intent may be misconstrued and exacerbate the person’s toxic behavior. These people are not ready for life change and cannot handle the reality of their situation, the best way to deal with this type of person is to shed them from your life entirely, or as much as possible.

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